my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize