The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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