i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
