My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
...so i touched it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
