who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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