Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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