a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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