so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
