you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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