It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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