Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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