if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
