Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
