I think i peed on brittanys purse
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
