I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
