sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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