Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have aggressive nipples.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
