I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
