we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
