My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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