I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
