We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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