i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
