Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
