bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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