I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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