this beer tastes like vomit already
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
