Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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