i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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