East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
