so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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