You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
