Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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