I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize