Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
