the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
