don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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