dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have post one night stand depression
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