I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
