i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
