Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
