Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize