my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
