the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize