Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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