K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
