My nipple is on Facebook.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
