Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
