It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
