I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Randomize
