so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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