Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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