The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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