The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize