she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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