Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need moral support for this bender
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
