I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
