I can't watch pbs sober anymore
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
