I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
