when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
