Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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