stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
