respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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