you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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