Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
